


straight out of a serial

by SpiritedYoungLady



Category: The Mandalorian (TV), The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Crossover, Gen, POV First Person, POV murderbot, listen it's a silly crack crossover don't expect canon adherence, star wars / murderbot diaries crossover, the timeline for this is ?????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritedYoungLady/pseuds/SpiritedYoungLady
Summary: I was not going to have a conversation with a stranger dressed in the galaxy's shiniest costume armor about my complicated feelings around the word "person".#Crack Murderbot Diaries / The Mandalorian crossover.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 53
Collections: Genuary 2021





	straight out of a serial

Listen, if you want to know how I got there, I can't tell you. I have no idea. One second I was pointing an energy weapon in front of me, heading into a dark, drippy cave with a small squad of Perihelion's crew behind me, the next second I was stumbling into a rain forest, all my sensors screaming at me that something was very wrong. 

When I finally managed to process the input, I realized a stranger was standing in front of me.

My first thought was, "That gun looks straight out of a serial!"

(Okay, maybe my processing was still a little scrambled from whatever had happened in the cave.)

The energy bolt hit me in the shoulder. Damn, his trigger finger was almost as itchy as mine. I hit him square in the chest with a bolt from an arm cannon.

Which usually was enough to send anything but another SecUnit stumbling backwards, at the very least. But this guy was bounding towards me like nothing had happened.

I fired again. It struck him square in the chest again, doing absolutely nothing.

Unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. I retracted the arm cannons and  
backed towards the cave, trying to make my face read "scared human".

"Wait," I yelled. "I think there's been a mistake."

##

He poked at the tiny fire, his super-energy-diffusing-really-old-fashioned armor glinting in the light. "So, do you have a name?"

A spark landed on the organic part of my arm and immediately turned to ash. "The people I work with call me SecUnit."

"You're a droid, then."

"A what?"

He waved a hand. "Droid. Machine that...does things."

"I'm only part machine." This conversation was getting a little bit personal.

"So you're a person."

I was not going to have a conversation with a stranger dressed in the galaxy's best costume armor about my complicated feelings around the word "person".

Instead of answering the question, I said, "Where are we?"

"Abbaji." He paused. "How did you get here?"

"No idea. I was checking out a cave for clients and I ended up here."

"So you're a bodyguard?" Conveniently side-stepping the part of the conversation where we talk about the world-hopping cave.

"Sometimes." Time to change the subject. The little animal he'd skewered over the fire was looking pretty brown by this point. "Do you usually eat your food burned?"

He pulled it off the spit and set it aside. "I'll eat later. Do you eat? Do you want some?"

"No, I don't eat." Why wasn't he eating now? Did he not trust me? Was he also, despite his apparent confusion at the concept, some kind of construct? "Humans eat in front of me all the time. It doesn't bother me." (I think it's gross, actually, but I'd rather have the humans eating than getting all wobbly because they haven't eaten.)

"I haven't taken the helmet off in front of another living thing since I took the oath."

Ah, boy, here we go. So he wasn't some sort of strange, old-fashioned construct, just a human who had caught a religion.

I waited. Despite myself, I kind of wanted to know more. Plus, the more details I learned about this utterly bizarre situation, the most likely ART or its crew could help me sort this  
out when I got back.

If I got back.

_No, Murderbot, panic later. Now you gather clues. Pretend it's a detective serial. Pretend _you're_ the one with the long coat and the wide-brimmed hat and the little notebook._

"What oath?" I asked.

He kept pausing before he answered me. "The Way of the Mandalore."

Another word that meant nothing to me. Great detective-ing, Murderbot. Either I really needed to update my databases or I was even more screwed than I thought.

I shook my head. "None of this is in my databases. What system are we in?"

He told me. Again, more words that meant nothing.

After the initial shock in the cave, my electronic parts were working fine. Either something terrible had happened to the organic parts of my brain and I was imagining all of this, which lead to the nightmarish image of Perihelion's crew standing around my twitching body in a cave, or I was a long, long way from home.

"I think," I said slowly. "That I am very far away from where I'm supposed to be."  
The human chuckled. "Yeah," he said. "I think you've got that right."

**Author's Note:**

> Can't promise I'll finish this, since I mostly wrote it to exorcize a plot bunny a friend gave me. Even if I don't get around to writing the ending, though, I think Murderbot will be OK. These two are incredibly capable.


End file.
